There are a few sounds that grab my attention more than the “click-clack” of a woman’s heels down the sidewalk. The champagne “pop” of a big bottle bottle of Ommegang is one of them. It’s a pop of impending goodness. Get your hands on this stuff. You owe it to yourself.

Ommegang Hennepin and Abbey Ale

It’s been a little while since I’ve been able to kick back on a Sunday and enjoy a couple of tasty beverages while watching football. Given the hiatus, I departed my normal six-pack routine in favor of a couple of interesting “big boy” bottles both from Cooperstown, NY brewery – Ommegang. First up.. The Hennepin…

Ommegang Hennepin

I didn’t realize this was a pale ale. Hennepin is actually a classic Belgian “saison” beer. A “saison” is a old school pale ale from the French speaking regions of Belgium that originally had a low alcohol content. Today’s brews bolster a much higher alcohol with Hennepin pushing 8% but it didn’t wreck the flavor at all. As a matter of taste, however, this beer tastes more like a cross between Blue Moon and Hoegaarden than it does a traditional pale ale (it’s even cloudy like a wheat beer).  I rarely “fruit” my beer but I tossed in a slice of lemon for shits and giggles and it actually accentuated the flavor nicely. Proof again that you shouldn’t mistake this as a traditional pale ale.

Ommegang Abbey Ale

There’s tasty goodness… and then there’s really tasty goodness. If you like the darker Duvel’s you’ll love this brew. The boys up in Cooperstown really have nailed that old world favor. Admittedly, I tagged this after (directly after) the Hennepin AND I left it in fridge a little too long. I like my beer really cold but didn’t plan on drinking this one at the near freezing point. It really should be a cool beer, not a cold beer to really be appreciated. Still, the flavor carried well and it was an enjoyable brew to the end.

Ommegang Brewery
Hennepin & Abbey Ale
Cooperstown, New York

I’m thinking about a sequel to the Blake Lively movie I’m going to make (it’s gonna happen… oh yeah, it’s gonna happen). It’s called Motorboat – Attack of the Twins. It’s kinda like Star Wars – Attack of the Clones except instead of a whole epic, sci-fi fantasy war with clones, it’s just Blake Lively running topless on the beach. Yeah.. that’s pretty much all I got.

Motorboat... bbbbptptbbtpbbbtbtpbtbptptbtbtptptbptt

I don’t believe in God. But I thank him daily for Blake Lively’s rack. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

So very, very wrong.

I just cut my own penis off.

Ooooooooh boy. One of my favorites email services of all time actually coming back on online - The Daily Muse byViva la Flaca! VLF is a daily email that delivers smoking hot, scantily clad fashion models to your inbox. Brilliant! The site went dark over the summer and I thought it was actually dead… but it’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Check it.

I just hurt myself.

Now, the service itself isn’t as smutty as I make it out to be. It’s actually a pretty stand up site “committed to the support and promotion of women through art”. The site promotes the models as well as the photographers that took that shots and allows artists up submit their own photos for consideration in the site. Granted, 99% of the photos are nudes or semi-nudes but most of the shots are pretty classy.

Yep. Right to your inbox. Every day. It's goodness.

In case you were wondering, Viva la Flaca literally means “long live the skinny” which I also find hilarious as I myself have been a big fan of the skinny for a long time. Who isn’t, really?

Here’s the deets:
http://gallery.vlf7.com/
http://twitter.com/vlf7 (although not much going on the twitter yet)

I have a strong urge to run around in my boxers. Hmmm..

Very few people make it to my “hero list”, so I’m sure you’re wondering to yourself, “I wonder why he picked her?” Well, turns out that Ms. Finklestein was so hard up for World Series tickets she offered up a little afternoon delight in exchange for tickets. Susan posted an ad on Craigslist in which she described herself as a “gorgeous, tall, buxom blonde diehard Phillies fan”. The ad continued, “I’m the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!” Sounds good to me!

I'd bang her... if I didn't have a really hot girlfriend that reads all my posts.

However, apparently her creative offerings included a BJ to an undercover police officer. Ms. Finklestein (I just love saying her last name) was arrested and booked by her local Bensalem, Pa police department for prostitution. That can really only mean one of two things, Bensalem cops REALLY have nothing better to do OR (more than likely) she probably laughed at their small penis’, hence the charges. Actually, I just took a quick visit to the Bensalem, PA police department web site. What a bunch of tools. Their homepage features pictures of cops doing all sorts of acrobatics on their motorcycles. You know, the kind that kids do illegally and end up smashing their skulls to consistency of oatmeal? Yeah. Those. Great role models you D-bags.

I mean seriously, my girlfriend coaxes all sorts shit outta me in exchange for sex… is that prostitution? Consenting adults should be allowed to bang for pretty much any agreed upon reason including monetary. I’m just sayin.

There’s nothing I love more than making fun of stupid people. Looooooove it. It just gets me all giddy to know that no matter how bad things are, I’m a lot better off than 99.9% of the people out there. What’s even better, there are several sites out there that help me get my superiority fix on… check ‘em and start feeling better about yourself today!

via LATFH: “I see you’re marveling at my grosstee—my gross goatee. Yes, it’s wonderful. A lot of people actually consider me a pioneer in the art of parfaiving—parfait shaving.”

Look at This Fucking Hipster
www.latfh.com

LATFH is a super cool site. What, you’ve never heard of LATFH? God, you’re.. like.. super lame. I’m not sure I can even be seen in same atmosphere as you. Excuse me, I’ve got some blow and PBR’s waiting for me. Smell ya later.

Get it? That was me pretending to be a hipster. That’s how hipsters talk. How do I know? I have the dubious pleasure of living New York City where we breed hipsters at about the same rate as rats. Come to think of it.. the similarities between rats and hipsters is kinda amazing. They both smell, breed diseases and if you’re not careful, they’ll crap on your shoe while you wait for the subway. God, I hate hipsters. And rats.

Actually, the rats not so much.

People of Walmart
www.peopleofwalmart.com

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!

Wow. I’m mean.. good God. I think what I like best about this site is that it covers the entire country. A whole nation of fat, retarded and decision impaired Americans shopping for all their inane needs in one place. Walmart. This site is like a little steamy slice of Americana. And by steamy slice I mean cat poo covered in burnt hair. What’s also great about this site is the shear volume of updates. After all, there are like 4 million Walmart stores around the country. That’s a lot of… well.. whatever “that” is. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

This is the first of a three (or maybe four) part post. Although I could easily be proven wrong by box office receipts, I really don’t see a lot of quality films coming out of Hollywood. Unless you like remakes, sequels or vampires there won’t be much reason for you to head to the theater in next 6 months. First up… the remakes.

Remakes

I’m beginning to think Hollywood is allergic to original ideas Big wig executives seem to be scrambling for the rights of any crappy 80’s TV show they can get their hands on. They’re even rehashing movies that have had decent closure or weren’t even that good to begin with. Get real.

Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddy without Wes Craven is like Mac without Cheese

Two words… Micheal Bay. Two more words… Samuel Bayer.

Read on. You know you want to.

Having Micheal Bay produce a horror flick is like using me as your gynecologist. It’s just inappropriate. Combine that with director Samuel Bayer who’s biggest claim to fame is a Blink 182 video and you’ve got the makings of a loud, mind numbing romp of boobies, gore and explosions (of course). I was never a huge fan of the original movies but always thought Freddy Krueger was one scary dude. The only saving grace of this film will be the likely remarkable performance of Jackie Earle Haley as the immortal Freddie. It’s the only part of the trailer that gave me chills.

If I made this movie, it would be a deep and dark psychological thriller focusing on Freddy’s origins (much like Rob Zombie’s Halloween reboot). Nothing creepier than a kiddie toucher. I’d place the movies in the 60’s and cinematographically (which isn’t a word) juxtapose the waning innocence of the 1950’s with the tumultuous era of the late 1960’s. Krueger would represent that corruption. But hey, no one sees fit to ask me.

A-Team

It's funny that the van is as much of a character as everyone else

Oh sure, I can’t wait to see Jessica Biel’s sweet ass on the big screen but as an Army general? Really? Not to mention the A-Team movie will be predictably boring. Hell, every show was exactly the same (except for the one episode with Boy George… that was just weird) why would the movie be any different. A general? How is that even possible?

If I HAD to make this movie, I’d concentrate most of my efforts on the casting. So far, Bradley Cooper is the ONLY person cast correctly as “Face”. The rest just falls apart. I’m a big Liam Neeson fan but I just can’t see him as Hannibal. And, to update the movie, I’d simply find a new Mr. T. Let’s face it, BA Baracus wasn’t so much of a character as much as it was Mr. T being insane. Just casting some big black dude with a mohawk in the role kinda misses the point.

A general? Oh come on, now.

The Karate Kid
The Karate Kid wasn’t that good of a movie the first time around. Or the second. Or the third. Oh yeah.. or the fourth time. This will technically be the fifth film (don’t call it a sequel) and of course, the only one without Pat Morita (he died in 2005). Instead we get buddy film with Jackie Chan and more of Will Smith pimping his kid Jayden.

Oddly, IMDB has this movie listed as Kung Fu Kid. Apparently, Karate is so000 1984.

Other Movies That Are Barely Worth Writing About

A Christmas Carol – the trailer reminds me of the promo reel from Scrouged (with Bill Murray). You know, the one that gave the old lady a heart attack.

The Crow – Beyond the obvious sanctity of Brandon Lee’s final movie, this thriller wasn’t the best movie. Crows really aren’t that creepy.

The Green Hornet – Seth Rogan may be the only saving grace of this film.. fact is I know nothing about the Green Hornet except it’s a TV show from before I was born.

Hey, Hollywood! How about growing some balls and remaking some quality films. Why not remake The Conversation and update it with a total high tech edge? And with all your recent Vampire fascination, why not remake Fright Night (an excellent movie from start to finish).

Here in New York we have a little television station called SNY (Sports New York). And they have a little show called Beer Money. And that little show is hosted by some fat guy and Alexi Panos. So I wouldn’t expect you to know who Alexi Panos is.. but you should. Cause she’s smoking hot and knows more about sports than you ever will. Ever. And she wears thigh highs. Like you needed more of an excuse to dig this chick.

I wish she wore this outfit on the show

Beer Money pits your wits against your suds… so to speak. It’s an on the spot sports quiz show. You get four questions. Answer them correctly our our bodacious beauty gives you bucks to pay your bar tab. I’ve only seen the show a couple of times and from what I can tell, the fourth question is basically impossible. Like, “What was the middle name of the only left handed player from the 1969  Bulgarian squash team?” Cause really, everyone knows that one. It’s “Susan”.

Read on… you know you want to.

Wowser. Just wowser.

I’m not even really sure why there is another host for the show. I’m also not sure why they don’t have her just wear a bikini the whole time. But even so, Alexi has a lot of personality and really carries it. Beer Money is on Saturdays on SNY. They actually film the show at various popular bars around New York. You can catch the schedule and filming locations from Alexi’s Facebook fan page. You can also sender daily kissy notes on her wall. I’m just sayin.

Ugh.. I'm totally stalking this chick around New York

Uhh.. did I just say that out loud? Yikes. Anyway, if you’re looking for more goods on this hot little item you can check out the following:

• Model Mayhem Profile (where I lifted these shots.. plenty more)
• Twitter Account
• Beer Money Site
• Facebook Fan Page

Give this girl some props throw her a little nod of support. And don’t forget to watch Beer Money. But don’t drop little kissy notes on her fan page cause that would be creepy.

And by “kinda hot” I mean she actually makes my balls sweat when I see pictures of her. Why? Sasha Grey is a porn star (adult film star… whatever). A really, really good porn star. But recently, she’s been taking mainstream media by storm. Which means we’ll all be seeing a lot more of her. I guess I better get some new underwear.

This is actually one of my favorite shots.

Sasha recently starred in The Girlfriend Experience, directed by Steven Sodeburgh and released on DVD about a week ago – rev up that Netflix! But to be clear, I was a Sasha Grey fan before I heard about The Girlfriend Experience (because I’m a degenerate porn fiend). This 21 year old pixie took the porn industry by storm and has starred in 170+ porno’s since 2006 (at the ripe age of 18). According to IMDB her nickname is “The Erotic Enigma” which couldn’t be more accurate. Petite, brunette and natural. Not the first three things that come to mind when thinking about adult film stars. She’s the anti-porn star.

Read on… you know you want to (safe for work… sorta).

This was actually an American Apparel ad. Brilliant!

The Girlfriend Experience

Admittedly, I’m not really a big Steven Soderbergh fan. I like the movies he produces a lot better than the movies he directs (with the notable exception of Traffic). After watching Girlfriend, I wish Sodeburgh would have simply produced this one as well. It has his characteristic long shots with primary characters obscured by furniture or coat racks and quirky African drumbeat drown outs. But worst of all, he so poorly distinguishes flashbacks from the rest of the story telling that the movie time line is really difficult to follow.

The overall gist of the movie isn’t hard to follow…  Sasha Grey plays Chelsea/Christine, a wannabe high class prostitute that offers the highest of holy paying service. She pretends to be a client’s girlfriend. She listens to all their mundane stores of how much money they lost in the recent market crash. She knows their wives names and names of her client’s children. But things get a little rough when Chelsea meets a new client that wants to whisk her away for the weekend but that doesn’t jive with rules that she and her trainer boyfriend set previously. Yeah, a hooker with a boyfriend. Who knew that actually happened.

Sasha Grey is the only shining part of this film and is truly superb. Really, without her, the picture wouldn’t be worth watching. She is adorable, sexy and yet totally vulnerable and fragile as the main character. At one point she breaks down describing a bad experience with a John. It is a convincing and believable performance.

Girl got ass. Bizzam!

Those of you expecting gratuitous sex scenes or romping nudity… well, you need help. This is a mainstream flick and although Sasha certainly strips down, you’d really be missing the point of the film. Not to mention she’s a PORN STAR. There’s plenty of nudie shots out there, boys and girls. Which reminds me. In prepping for this article I did a lot of exhaustive research that included hours of video and image searching (you’re welcome). I also stumbled across her web site (which is actually pretty cool and once again not what you’d expect) and her twitter account (yes, I’m following her).

The end. Seriously. Leave. Go away. This is getting uncomfortable.

Courtney Cox is in a new show called Cougartown. What’s Cougartown about? No idea. And, I don’t care. I managed to watch two full episodes online with the volume off while I was watching Sunday Football. The only thing I could tell from my multitasking afternoon is that Courtney Cox has a sick body and loves to show it off in this show. What is she.. 54 by now?

NOT BAD!!

Now, if I were you, and I’m glad I’m not, I wouldn’t waste your time watching this show on television. After all, I’ll end up posting all the hot screen caps of Courtney Cox bending over, glistening with sweat in sticky tight lingerie. Yep. All right here..

Read on… you know you want to.

Now we're talking..keep it coming.. keep it coming.

Holy Christ... I had a dream like this once. A dirty nasty dream.

JACKPOT!!

How long until we get a decent Maxim spread? Playboy? COME ON!

And that was just the first episode. Unfortunately, the second episode seemed to be some wishy-washy soul searching crap. The only good shot was the one below. No lingerie.

Who drinks water from a hose.. seriously.

This show is so shallow and gratuitous. I love it.